Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Fear

For over a year now I have had to constantly and continually pray against a spirit of fear. My life and world has been rocked far more than I would like but the hardest rock came last year with my mom's diagnosis of a difficult to beat ovarian cancer. Since that day I have felt the enemy try to continually rock my spirit and try to seed in doubt and fear....I have spent more time on my knees praying against fear. If we let fear seep in too far it can SO easily take over every ounce of who we are and how we do life.  I began to feel that same sense of fear when we were told we weren't going to be able to get pregnant on our own, then when we did that we had a high risk of miscarriage then this..Joe's most recent diagnosis...I found my self saying "Really God?!" I found myself crying out and felt like any sense of joy was being stolen from me. It took me months and months to actually enjoy the fact that I was pregnant...I even felt the joy trying to be stolen from me by other people's reactions to our good news, fear of miscarriage and doubt...I was so used to disappointment that it took me a long time to finally say "No God has given us this joy, He is always in control and He knew we would need it." It took one of my sweet friends Jen saying "Stephanie remember this is God's plan and find comfort and joy in that." And I did that day! It hit me that God was blessing us and I have had to wrap myself up in this sweet blessing...oh something so sweet that we needed. I felt that I was finally out of that fear attack when Joe's news struck our home...that night felt like such sheer panic and horror much like the day of my mom's diagnosis. I felt myself struggling with "Why." Then very recently my mom handed me a book to actually give away called "Always True." I felt like I was suppose to read it so I did. It is about God's 5 promises when life is hard and here is the 5 promises James MacDonald speaks on:


God is Always with Me
God is Always in Control
God is Always Good
God is Always Watching
God is Always Victorious

Such simple truths and promises...ones I've known...but sometimes I think we just need to read it and hear it again.  So here we are on our newest battle and I am still praying through some fear but also finding peace and comfort in that fact that God is Always Good, he does not leave us or forsake us but has planned out our days...

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you;he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

As I was cleaning out our house even more and ridding it of things that are cancer causing... i.e. plastic and finding myself telling Dennis 10x this week to remember sunscreen or to wear a hat and telling him never to buy anything that isn't organic...I had to stop and tell myself that though yes we need to make good changes and avoid certain things but not every decision we make needs or should be out of fear. I am afraid of cancer but I do know that God's plan is bigger than cancer. I mean I actually HATE cancer and yes it is scary but I'm not even as much afraid of me getting it as I am another loved one. See I feel that I have grown accustomed to suffering but what I don't handle well is those around me suffering...maybe its the nurturing part of my personality or the part that wants to fix everything. I don't like being in a place where I can't make things go away or fix them. So that is where my fear sets in...I know this fear has been present and I have been praying against it for sometime now but it was my sweet friend Ashley recently noticing it becoming more obvious this last month. She pointed it out to me when I was discussing my irrationale/rationale fear of paint!! Yes I know...like I said I'm praying through it... Thank you so much for all your continued love, support, and prayers for our family!

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.


Please pray for these sweet family members who have or are fighting cancer:
My sweet grandma Barbara-now 2 time breast cancer survivor-pray it stay away now forever
Mrs Momma Crosby-now ovarian cancer survivor-pray all the scans from now until forever are cancer free
Mrs Kelly-my sweet, sweet cousin in law battling breast cancer while pregnant and now with a newborn-pray for healing and protection as she starts her next round of chemo
And of course Joe-as he fights his battle-pray for protection, peace and comfort

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers!

1 comment:

  1. Love this post as I struggle with fear as well. May have to check out the book you mentioned. Prayers for you and your sweet family!

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